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Over the weekend, Maks and I hosted our in-laws, his parents. Yes, those parents. I put on my nice face as I welcomed them into my home. Our conversation was little but I also had a lot to do in the kitchen.
The night before, I attempted to make pizza. We usually order pizza but with the weather changing and our tastes also changing accordingly, I decided it was homemade pizza time. And honestly, I make some pretty dope pizza! I figured I need to flatten my dough a bit more, but other than that, I wouldn’t change a thing.
So, my dough finally rose as I was the middle of preparing the food for everyone. We grilled, made cheeseburgers, homemade red mashed potatoes, and green beans. I finally put the pizza in and came out with one cheese pizza and one pepperoni. Yeah, a ton of food for all of us!
While all of this was going on, Bear was with his grandmother on the sofa. He was showing her a game he was playing. Knowing Bear, it was a train game since my son is absolutely obsessed with trains. Bear’s grandmother finally asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and Bear enthusiastically responded with, ‘A train driver!’
His grandmother told him, ‘I want you to be a doctor instead’ to which Bear replied with, ‘Why?’ and she said, ‘Because I want you to.’
I’m sorry, what the fuck was that?
As I’m hearing this in the kitchen not too far, I shook my head and tempered my anger. You see, my in-laws like to think they help with their suggestions. Only a handful of times have their suggestions have actually helped. Most of the time, however, it’s more of, ‘Because I don’t like what you’re doing, I want you to change it.’
It was something that was all too familiar with me.
I can vividly recall when I was in high school, I wrote. I wrote during every class I was in. I wrote fictional stories, fan fictions, everything I could think of. I had teachers get upset at me because I would be writing instead of paying attention to what they were doing. I was obsessed with telling a story!
Instead of encouraging me, I remember a meeting I had with my guidance counselor and my mother about my career path I wanted to pursue. I told them both, ‘I want to become a writer!’ and they both told me to my face, it wasn’t a viable career and that I needed to stop writing that moment.
So I did. When I went to a function to honor one of the local dignitaries, I asked him what advice he had for me for college. He told me to take as many writing classes as I could take. I didn’t put two and two together, so I took a flurry of different courses – journalism, creative writing, and so many English classes, I should’ve made that my major, lmao.
I didn’t write for pleasure for the rest of high school and throughout college. It was by chance I discovered fan fiction again and thought, ‘I can do better than that!’ when I started writing again way back in 2005.
As I’ve had a lot of success (with some fails), I sometimes wonder what my life would’ve been like if I had a lot of support in the beginning? I wonder if I would’ve been able to publish a book with a traditional publisher? I wonder if I would’ve been able to achieve my dreams sooner?
What happened to me is why I encourage the younger generation to pursue all things creative – be it YouTube, music, dance, painting, whatever. You don’t know what is your passion until you try. Some people are not set out to have a 9-to-5, some are not meant to be in an office, and some are just not meant to be under the direction of anyone else but themselves.
Back to Bear’s grandmother, I bit my tongue. I was in a good mood and the last thing I needed was to ruin a family day. I did pull Bear aside and told him if he wanted to be a train driver, to be the darn one he can be. I also told Bear not to let anyone make fun of his dreams or turn him away from them just because they didn’t like it.
Bear’s grandmother doesn’t go to the doctor. She doesn’t like doctors. And honestly, with her health, I doubt she’ll live long enough to even see Bear graduate from high school. She’s in very poor shape. I also suspect she hates the idea that Bear is so passionate about trains; something she has no interest in.
That’s not the point, though. I have no idea about trains. I can’t tell the difference between the many trains 99% of time, while Bear can name no less than 10 train companies. But it’s his passion, something he’s been in love with since he was born. I’ve taken him to train yards. We often to go to lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory in Fullerton because it’s right next to a train station. I go out of my way to support my son’s passion.
Will he always love trains? Probably. Probably not. But I want that to be Bear’s decision, not anyone else’s.
Grandparents are funny sometimes. The parent within them never quite turns off, and sometimes they think with age comes wisdom. Now, I can honestly say, that might be true with every other person who are not my in-laws. However, they’ve made a serious of very poor decisions where I would rather take financial advice from a person who just filed bankruptcy than from my in-laws.
When they try to stop a child’s dream, well, I take issue with that. They’ve had very little contact with Bear and have used a litany of excuses throughout their years to cover their racism. So, a person, who has had numerous excuses as to why she couldn’t have any contact with Bear (phone, Facetime, in-person visits), now decides she’s of authority to tell him what he needs to do when he’s an adult, though she might not be around to see it?
Yeah…say it with me, everyone…it’s BULLSHIT.
I’m lucky to be raising a son who knows better and knows who to listen to. I didn’t even have to talk to Bear after that conversation; he already knew he was going to become a train driver regardless of what his batshit crazy grandmother in name only says.
What is ordained by God will be decided by God, and no one else. So, my dear in-laws, please STFU about what you think my son should be doing with his life. Focus on your own and honestly, with the way your lives are, that should be top priority.
